All the little things that swirl in my brain...

...have taken over. It's 2:04 in the afternoon and I've been up since 6:30. Needless to say, I'm pooped.

Yesterday, the family (+one) went to Panama City. My sister, mommy and I splurged on spa pedicures and my brother and his mutant following trolled around the mall while waiting for us. My boyfriend, Daniel, met us there and we all watched the Terminator movie. Olivia loved it. I really thought she would get a little jumpy, but she was totally into it. Probably because mom actually used her insite for once and thought about letting her watch the older ones so the new one (which is more action-y) wouldn't scare her. Go mom.

After the movie, we ventured to Schooner's out on the beach. The best eatery known to man-kind. On the way out to the beach, I rode with Daniel in his car. We started talking about Arkansas (since that's where home is for me and I have to make a trip next week to take Olivia back). I told him that I really was serious about moving back one day and that's where I would like to raise a family. I guess you really can't have your cake and eat it too, because as much as I want to go "home", I can't leave him. I can't choose.

He says that his home is where I am. As incredibly romantic as that is, I refuse to shatter his sense of home like that. I am a permanently torn person. And I can't put any kind of conditions on this relationship. He thinks he's holding me back. I don't see it like that.

Anyway... back to the evening. We got to Schooner's (which is awesome if you've never been. Well, it's awesome if you have been... just go. Now.) and we had to wait for a table so we went out the back way and walked on the beach for awhile. Olivia and I splashed in the water up to our knees and then proceeded to tackle each other in the sand. It was so gross... but so much fun. When the little buzz thing went off (those things are so cool!) we went back inside and ordered our drinks and then I excused myself to the restroom to get rid of some of the sand. Apparently, whilst I was gone, there was some kind of awkward silence at the table and Mom took the chance to tell Daniel that it was nice to have him back. "It's nice to be back"...

I don't think he knows how much he really means to me. I wish there was some way, however small, I could get it through to him how much he's changed my life. And not just romantically. When I first moved here 5 years ago, I was so angry to be ripped away from everything I knew. I was so very close minded. And shut off. Sure, I was sarcasm and humor and comic relief... but I wasn't there. Like the whole "the lights are on and nobody's home" thing. We may not have interacted much while we were in school together, but just seeing him made my day.

To see how he took time to teach someone, not just point and delegate...
Or to hear him laugh. Really laugh.
But my favorite thing is watching him listen to music. I don't understand that much about it (I play the triangle, dammit), but I know he does. I know he has that extra sense of what makes life sound amazing.

I love that about him. And I'm proud of him.

And he rode go-karts for the first time. I think it scared the shit out of him. But that's okay... because he tried it.